She'll probably kill me one day for the first two, but I couldn't resist. She is still such an itty bitty thing, but oh how amazing that something that tiny can take up so much of my heart.
Monday, January 28, 2013
I don't even know how to explain how I have felt in the past two months. Broken is the best word I can think of. I had finally gotten to a point emotionally after my mom died, that I thought I was going to be OK and then Ma got sick. And then she died. She DIED. We brought her home from the hospital to let her die in her own home surrounded by who loved her most. It was the least we could do for a woman who lived her life serving us. She was so much more than a grandmother. She was a caregiver, a friend, a comedian, a confidante and another mother. I do know how lucky I am in the fact that I not only had one mother, but two. Celia reminds me of that constantly. If she sees any picture with either Mama or Ma in it, she always says "look, both your mommies!"
I feel completely numb now. I am 35 and I am now the matriarch of my family. Really??? THIRTY FIVE people. I know that I will get through this because I have done it before and I don't have any other choice, but I truly don't know how.
I will forever be grateful that I got to spend three months with my grandmother this past summer. For those who don't know, I had a hip replacement in June and my grandmother moved in with me to take care of me while I was recovering. I wouldn't take anything for this time. We didn't talk all day everyday, but I did get quality time with Ma and so did my daughter. We kept Celia home with us two days a week and for that, I will be eternally grateful. Celia was only 2 when my mom died and I don't think she has any true memories of her, but she will have snippets of my grandmother.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
We have the best Santa here. Both he and his wife are awesome and they love Celia so very much. I am convinced that one year when I turn my back he is going to take her. And that she would be perfectly happy with that. LOL!!!!!!! I promise I will be back on a regular basis. I have so many things to say
Thursday, December 13, 2012
I feel like my life is a never ending sea of CRAP. I don't mean it literally because I do a lot to be thankful for. I have a fabulous husband and a gorgeous, kind, sweet little girl who have both been sick with the FLU this week. Or as Celia says, "flute". But alas that isn't what has me feeling this way although it certainly makes it a lot worse. My grandmother, who is like another mother to me had a massive stroke last Thursday. We brought her home on hospice on Monday. So, once again, my childhood bedroom has been turned into a room for the most important women in my life to die in. I am thankful that we at least get to give them some comfort in their last days. I am thankful that we get to do something (no matter how small) for them since they have done so much in our lives. We moved in with Ma when I was 2 so I literally had two moms. How lucky am I? My grandmother has been the one constant in my life. When I was battling with one or both of my parents, she didn't. She loved me like I was her own. Last year when my mom died, someone actually asked Ma how she felt since she was losing her only child and would be alone. She answered them that she wasn't alone and that she didn't feel like Mama was her only child, but that she still had three kids left (my brother, dad and me). In the past 13 months, my mom died, her dad died and now my grandmother. How much more?????