Happy Father's Day

Is it weird that I am jealous of the close relationship my husband has with our daughter? It's not that I am jealous of the time he spends with her, but it does make me sad that she doesn't feel the same way about her mommy. She much prefers to spend time with her daddy, especially now. Right now, I am a burden in the house. I don't think that John doesn't feel that way, but I do. But all of that aside, I do love to watch their relationship. He is a FABULOUS father and she is the apple of his eye. As you can see, it started before she was even born. This is the true example of Daddy's Little Girl!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And a very Happy Father's Day to my Daddy and John's Dad. They are both great parents and the best Grandfathers to Celia. I hope all of you have a very Happy Father's Day with your Dads and Granddads out there.

I'm ALIVE

Recovery has been slow and I'll post a much more detailed post very soon, but I just wanted to Thank you for remaining patient during this recovery and let you know that I am here. Surgery went well, but recovery has been hard.

Today is the day

Arrive time is 5:30 AM with surgery at 7:30 AM. Really early, but I am glad that there won't be a lot of time to get hungry or any more nervous than I already am. I didn't really start getting scared until this past month. Now it is real. I can't believe that it is here. Please send me your thoughts, prayers and anything else you can. Love you guys and I will be updating as soon as I can. I don't know when that will be depending on the WiFi at the hospital. I might get to come home Thursday. It could be as early as Wednesday and as late as Saturday or Sunday. We'll see how the recovery period goes.

Happy Birthday Mama!!

I so wish I was there with you to celebrate. I know that it will be such a fabulous celebration in Heaven today. It will be hard for those of us left here on Earth. I can't put into words how much I miss you. We might not have talked every day, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that if I picked up the phone you would be there in an instant. I remember the day I was induced. We had a 4:15 dr appt for a NST. They did a quick u/s before the NST and my fluid was REALLY low so they sent me to the hospital. I called on the way over to tell you that I was being admitted, but that we were going to stop and eat first. I told you not to rush and that I would call you when we were in a room. I called home to tell you our room number, but Daddy answered the phone and said not to worry and that you had already left. You walked in 15-20 minutes later. I could always count on you. So while I will sit in my sadness today, I don't feel sad for you for I know you are in a better place. I just wish I was there to celebrate with you. I love you. Happy Birthday!!

 

 

 

WW - stolen, but well worth it.

I am guilty as so many others are of feeling like a failure when all things don't go as planned. I am guilty of this in so many avenues of my life: my role as a wife, mother, friend, family member, blogger and so many more. For this I need to remember:

 

I borrowed it from her. She got it from here. Either way, I love it and I will try my best to make it my motto in the next few months for the rest of my life

Happy Mother's Day

It is such a bittersweet holiday now. When I look back at my life since last Mother's day, I can't help becoming depressed. I know that I should be happy and focus on the newer memories with my daughter, but I can't. Of course I love finally being a mother of a living child. Of course I am happy with the man I chose to spend my life with. I am grateful that I have a grandmother still living. I am thankful for my MIL who treats me like her own. I am thankful that John's grandmother is still here and that she treats me like one of her own too. I am thankful............But I am still sad that I don't have my mother here with me. I do take comfort in the face that she is with Him and that I will see her again one day, but that doesn't take the hurt and the anger away. I loved that woman so very much and it was literally heartbreaking to watch her wither away, both physically and mentally. Obviously with a brain tumor and treatment the person changes. There is literally no way possible for her to continue to be the same. I basically watched what happens Alzheimer's happen to my mother in a matter of four months. And it isn't fair, but I know that life isn't fair. Today went as well as expected. We went to church with John's mom, we then went and ate at my parent's tonight. I spent the afternoon with my grandmother (Ma) and if anyone else had a harder time with today than I did it was Ma. I think she just needed us with her today. She cried when she read the card I gave her. Now don't get me wrong with what I said earlier because I do love that woman with my whole heart. I basically just wanted her to know that she is my second mother and everything she has done for me in my life is honorable. And while her child isn't here on earth anymore that I would always be hers. Fro some very strange reason, after my mom died, I can't even begin to tell you how many people told Ma that they were sorry that she would be all alone now. Who would do that, but I am glad she didn't feel this way at all because I heard her tell more than one person that she felt that she had four children and that three of us were still going to be there. And she is right. She does have us. For that fact alone, I love her even more. So Happy Mother's Day to those who have children here on earth, to those of you who have angels in Heaven, for those of you who have been unable to have children, for those who have mothers here on earth and to those of you who have mothers in Heaven. Happy Mother's Day

WW - having a blast at Church

Logan

Luke

Logan after he decided he liked Celia's bike just a little more than his

Celia checking their bike out

Decided to race

They were having an absolute blast

They were literally cracking up