Thursday, June 30, 2011

Follow up to yesterday's struggle

Things went much better last night. Thanks for those of you who left comments or sent emails. I think it was probably a combination of a lot of things. I have been much more emotional lately which I know is completely understandable with everything that has been going on. And this week probably isn't the best judge on what Celia's behavior is like. Her scheduled has been completely off this week since the babysitter is on vacation. And as a whole, she is the sweetest child. Last night for example, we were laying down and she noticed the top of my tattoo on my hip (which I think is the first time she has noticed it) and pulled the waist of my pant down and kissed it and asked me if it was all better. Melts her mommy's heart. I think is is probably a combination of a lot of things going on in all of our daily lives. I have to admit that I have been much more emotional in my reactions. She is still a baby even if she doesn't know it. LOL!!!!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Struggling - Need advice from the mommies out there

I have been struggling with a lot lately. I am so very lucky and blessed to have a beautiful 21mo baby girl. I dreamed of her for years. I also still struggle with dreaming of a sibling for her. And maybe it is simply because I have gone through so much CRAP lately, but I am struggling with Cecelia right now. She doesn't want me to come near her these days. Now she is all about Mommy at night when it is bedtime, but other than that she absolutely screams her head off if I try to touch her. I know this sounds completely and utterly ridiculous, but it really hurts my feelings. Her regualr baby-sitter is on vacay this week so our parents are keeping her. My mom has had her Mon - today and John's parents will have her tomorrow and Friday. MIL has been taking her to VBS this week before she brings her to our house.

When she got there last night she literally lost her mind when I tried to hug her. I sat down on the couch with her for a second and she literally went insane. DH tries to help and calm her down, but she just won't with me. He sat down beside me while I was holding her and told her to give Mommy a hug. She said "No, I don't want it" so then he told her to tell me that she loved me and she said, "I don't, I won't" and proceeded to slap me in the face. Like I said I know it sounds insane, but I don't know how to deal with it. Please tell me that I am not alone in this struggle. I literally ended up in the bathroom crying last night. I think she hates me.

Is it just a stage that all little ones go through or should I prepare myself for a long hard road??

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Sad Day today.......

I have just had another one of those days. Everything you can think of has gone wrong at work. I also have been on the phone struggling with a dr office today. My Baby girl is 22 mo today. I was mentioning at work how sad it was that she was growing up. And one of my dearest friends (if you are reading this, it isn't meant to hurt you at all) made the comment that I should go ahead and give Cecelia a little brother or a sister. Oh, how I wish that it was that simple. I would in a heartbeat, but it doesn't work that way for me. I know that she wasn't even thinking about my miscarriages when she said it, but it still hurts.

Monday, June 20, 2011


Can I just say how addicted I am to Pinterest?? For those of you who don't know what it is, it's a site where you can basically 'pin' everything you love onto different bulletin boards to have them all in the same spot. It might sound confusing, but once to try, it is AWESOME!!!! The biggest problem is that you can get sucked in and spend hours doing it, but that's not always a bad thing. If you are interested in following me here's the link:

And if you want an invite, let me know and it'll come your way. Enjoy browsing....

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to the men in my life. I married the best man and he became the best father I could have ever dreamed of.

I grew up with my own Daddy. We may have grown somewhat apart over the past 11 years, he is still my father. We don't see eye to eye on everything, but I love him.

I also married into a wonderful family and gained another great man. My FIL is the best Papa I could have imagined for Cecelia.

Cecelia loves all three of them.

And most important of all, I believe in Him and He is the greatest Father of all. It makes the harder aspects of life just a little easier knowing that we will be OK and with Him in eternity.

Monday, June 13, 2011


I am completely and utterly heartbroken for a neighbor and acquaintance who lost her husband yesterday. They are actually a few years younger than I am and they have four beautiful little boys. I don't know them well, but we occasionally saw them at church and just in the everyday hustle and bustle of the neighborhood. I have to admit that I teared up when I heard. I truly can't imagine my life if my DH died. I hope and pray that I won't know until we are old, but I can't imagine. What in the world would I do. My DH is my rock, my love, my best friend. He is the best daddy in the whole wide world. I can't imagine Cecelia's life without her daddy. He is amazing. Of course, our lives and marriage isn't perfect, but who's is. It's things like this that give us all perspective. Remember to tell your loved ones each and every day how much you love them because you never know when it's the last time you talk to them. I Love You, John!!!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Babysat the cousins this weekend

This past weekend we had to watch my brother's kids while my parents were at the funeral home. Lets just say that they LOVE their cousin "Baby Celia". I can only hope that she eventually loses the baby. Seth is 6 (almost 7) and Erin is 4. Mind you, Cecelia is 20 months. She has absolutely no idea that she isn't as big as they are. They played really hard for 4 hours and then they all had a bath together. I made sure they were clean and then we closed the shower curtain. I have never seen so much water flying everywhere. You would have thought there was 10x more water than what was actually in the bathtub. When we were finally done, Seth asked if bath time was always that fun at Cecelia's house. And the answer is NO!!!! LOL!! They are a handful, but I am glad that they can still enjoy the simple act of a bath together because I know that it will end soon. I am not ready for them to grow up. I can't believe that my baby will be 2 in three months or that my nephew will be 7 this month. INSANE and slightly sad.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

WW - Happy Girl

Well most of the time.

That's more like it...


And there she goes again...

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Just feeling so drained

For some reason I have still been so tired. I mean tired to the point of thinking I could sleep all day if I could. But then at night I can't get to sleep that easily. Anyone have any suggestions??? I would appreciate any tips or to know that this is normal after the month I just had

Monday, June 6, 2011

Kitty Cat

As most of you readers know, I had to euthanize by sweet baby boy "Little Bit" a few weeks ago. And those of you IRL friends know that I still have my sweet girl kitty "Lady Bug" in my life. She didn't get along w/ Little Bit at all. They fought from the day I brought her home, but she has still been lonely. She was so very confused at first and still seems to not be herself. When she did come out of hiding the next day, she came over to me and has been by my side since. She even tolerates our DD a little bit more, although she was beginning to come around to her even prior to Little Bit dying. Here are some pics of this absolute stunner:

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Visit with Great Friends

A few weeks ago some of our friends came in for a visit. Matt & Angie moved to Thailand for him to preach at an English speaking church six years ago. Right after they moved there, a beautiful little girl became available for adoption and they jumped on it. Due to it being an international adoption done there, there were many obstacles in getting her back to the US so it took longer for them to be able to come back. Matt came to visit us a few times, but we hadn't seen Angie since 2/06, but they are the type of friends that you might not see for years and you're still able to pick right back up where you left off. It was a very brief visit, but it was awesome to see.

Finally got to post pics this morning!!! Yay!!!

Isn't she beautiful???

Matt's visit in 2009:

Matt's visit in 2011, notice a trend???? :-) Love you Matt!!!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011