Thursday, January 26, 2012

Thankful Thursday

Not really positive that this is a thing, but I'm going with it. Today I am thankful for:

1. My hot husband who loves me no matter what.

2. Ma (my grandmother). I realize how lucky I am to still have her with me on this side.

3. My beautiful DD. She teaches me something new each and every day.

4. My in-laws who love me as their own.

5. My church/church family.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Happy Birthday, Travis!!!

Today is my big brother's 41st birthday. I truly believe without a shadow of a doubt that him turning 40 bothered me a whole lot more than it did him. I just remember when I was little that 40 seemed so old. The older I get, the younger it sounds. So Happy Birthday, Bro!!!

And of course I had to throw this one in. We all know that it is one of my faves!!!

WW - almost

anyone else find this funny??????


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Celia when we gave her the chair from my mom and dad at her 2nd birthday party



LadyBug decided it looked like a pretty comfy chair herself. LOL!!!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Am I alone????????

In my complete and utter disbelief that Seal and Heidi Klum are getting a divorce. I'm not shocked that they are splitting up and I'm not obsessed with celebrities, but it was their press-release that shocked me. The first article I read about their split stated that they still completely love each other, but that they had experienced a really tough year and had decided that it would be best to divorce. Really???? A tough year?????

Now I don't know any couple who have had a completely stress-free marriage. Do you??? John and I don't fight and we love each other immensely, but that doesn't mean that our marriage is perfect. But being married and declaring this before God, family and friends means being there during the good and the bad; the healthy and sickly (is that a word? LOL!!). You don't just walk out when things get rough.

There are exceptions to this. If infidelity is involved or you find out what you know about your spouse is a bunch of lies. But other than those occasions, you pull your big girl panties on and your boots up and you work through the tough times. I thank God everyday that he gave me the perfect man for me.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Must be a mother thing

One day this week, Cecelia wanted her daddy to let her sit in her lap. She brought her little yellow chair over to him and stood in it beside him, eventually climbing into his lap. She wanted me to bring her plate over there. I took it to them and she started playing with a toy on teh bar. John moved the plate and she grabbed it, looked at him and said "No Daddy, don't take my plate away, I want to eat the food." Really??? She's 2.

She shouldn't be able to speak and express herself in actual sentences. The thing with her is that she uses it in the correct context. I know everyone thinks their child/ren are smart, but she blows my mind. And it only seems to bother me. She should still be a baby. She is so independent. I want my little girl back, but I don't think it's happening. She will now tell me that she is a big girl. What constitutes a big girl???? LOL!!! I have never been more in love with her though. She is so much fun (when not in the middle of a all 2yo got through)

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

WW - Mama's Memorial Service Pics

I know that I have posted some of these more than once, but here are some of the pics we used for her memorial service. Love you and miss you!!!




















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Saturday, January 14, 2012

I Miss You!

Dear Mama,

If you were still here, I would have rolled over and picked up the phone this morning to see if you wanted to do something today. The first morning that I actually forgot was the morning after Christmas. Even though I still felt really bad after being sick, I woke up and thought I wonder where Mama went shopping this morning because I know you would have already been home after running to either Cracker Barrel or Belk.

If you were still here, my heart wouldn't be breaking. If you were still here people at work would have a different reason to be talking about me other than the fact that at any completely random time, I am known to start sobbing uncontrollably at my desk. Don't worry, they'd still talk about me, just about something else. LOL!!!

If you were still here, I wouldn't be worried as much about Ma getting sick. I know that it will be OK, but I can't help but worry. I never imagined that you would go before her. She never imagined that either.

If you were still here, I wouldn't worry about Cecelia not remembering you. That breaks my heart because I never thought that was a possibility. When Ma got sick in 2010, we all thought that we were getting ready to lose her and here we are two years later without you.

If you were still here, my heart wouldn't be breaking. Oh wait, I think I already said that.


Monday, January 9, 2012

Hard Day

For some reason I could not get my mom out of my mind today. I don't really know what it was about today and I guess I shouldn't really expect anything to make any sense right now. My Dad picks my DD up on Mondays and Wednesdays so I went to his house to pick her up and he started asking me if I knew this woman. He told me a story of how he ran into her at Belk's or JC Penny's while Mama was sick and they stopped and talked for a while as he was telling her about everything.

And here it came.....he said, "well she called me last night, and I can't figure out why she would call." My grandmother (Mama's mother) was standing there as he was telling me, looks at me with a smirk and said, "yep, he's really that much of a stupid A$$." Cracked me up, but also makes me sad. My mom has only been dead seven weeks and already he has women hitting on him. I fully expect my dad to date in time, but really??? He just lost his wife of 45 years. FORTY FIVE people!!!! Can you give him a little more time? Is that too much to ask??????????

Here are a few pics from their 45 years:

1969 - they were 21 and had been married for 3 years - don't they look like babies???
2010 - At Cecelia's Christening

Sunday, January 8, 2012

What is normal?

I have lost many people who mean a lot to me, but never someone as close as my Mom. Should I expect this to last forever? I have a slight history of depression. Nothing too bad, but I had a few years in my early teens that I probably would have benefited from meds. I know that I am not anywhere near that again, but for those of you who have lost parents, how long should I let this go.

I feel fine some of the time. And then I have days that absolutely everything makes me cry. I sit at my desk some days and begin to silently sob. WTW!!! When will I ever get to the point that the good days outweigh the bad?

Saturday, January 7, 2012

More goals for 2012

I am not setting resolutions this year, but I do have some goals.

1. I am going to be a better wife.

My poor husband has done the lion's share of almost everything this year. I was sick a lot. Then my mom got sick, went through treatments and then died. I checked out of my own home. I hung out at my parent's a lot more than I would have ever thought I would have and if I had to do it again, I'd do it in a second.

2. I am going to be a better mommy.

Once again, I checked out this year. I lost my patience with everything I went through with my mom. I have yelled more than I ever thought I would with my little one. She does typical things a 2 year old would and I lose my mind. What is wrong with me? She's 2 and I know this.

3. I am going to be as healthy and active as I can be.

Do you see a trend here? The few days I have had to myself this year, I have done NOTHING active. Sat on my butt, cried, eaten pasta and chocolate. Not this year. Well, at least I'll throw something else active in

4. I am going to take more pictures.

We don't take pics nearly as much as we should. It breaks my heart to see that we don't have that many pics of Celia with my mom. I don't want to take that chance ever again.

5. I am going to be a better blogger.

I have also let this blog take a backseat with everything that has gone on and I don't want to do that again.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012

2011 was without a doubt the worst year of my life. I unexpectedly got pregnant and lost it AGAIN. I had to put my 15 year old cat down and my mom was diagnosed with, fought and lost her battle with brain cancer. Had a ton of sickness myself and never did even get a chance to lose a pound.

So here goes nothing: 2012 is going to be different. I am going to get healthy. For me now, it isn't about losing weight or being skinny and hot, it is about being the healthiest me I can be. When my mom got sick and we were filling out paperwork I realized how many family members have had a battle with cancer. I know that without a shadow of a doubt, I will eventually have some sort of cancer or neurological disease and I want to be healthy enough to fight it.

I want to be a shining example for my daughter. I don't want her to always see her mom sitting on the couch. I want to be able to run outside and play with her. I want to comfortably fit into my clothes (without elastic). Ha!!! I want to not be sick all of the time.

Tomorrow, I'm going to the grocery store and we will be eating more healthy this year. We will be more active. I will try to be a better friend, better wife, better mom, better daughter/granddaughter/sister/etc this year. I will try.

So Happy New Year people. Love to all!!!!!