Holidays are HARD

I truly do enjoy every single holiday/special day now, but they are still hard. Saturday was still sad no matter what. I teared up a few times that day becauase my mom should be there. She should be there to see her granddaughter's birthday party. I cried because not only was she not there this year, but she also missed it last. The last time my mom left the house for anything other than treatment or dr appts was for my birthday last year. I am truly grateful that she was there last, but it also hurts that she wasn't able to get around at all then. I know that she was there in spirit, but I'm selfish. Aren't we all?