I am struggling and I have been this entire year. I know I said a month or so ago that I was done with whining, but I don't think I am. I have been struggling with SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many things. I never did get a chance to really grieve over losing a baby before my mom got sick. John and I went out the weekend before my mom was diagnosed to celebrate our 12th anniversary. 12th!!!! That was the first real date we had after I had my miscarriage. We were supposed to have a good date in May, but then I had to put my precious kitty cat to sleep the day before so all we did on that date was eat, shop at Roses and the Dollar Tree and sit at home and cry.
I feel like I need to do something before I truly lose my mind, but I can't. I can't take an entire weekend to get away because I don't know what is going to happen with my mom from day to day so I can't be more than an hour away. I couldn't forgive myself if I couldn't be there if God forbid something happens.
My mom has three more radiation treatments and then she has a three week break. My brother will do her MRI (he's an MRI tech) and we go back to Duke for the results on 10/24. I'll try to get pics of her this week. It is absolutely heartbreaking watching the toll it is taking on her (and the rest of us). My mom went from fully functioning four months ago to wheelchair bound and using a potty chair beside the bed. I have to roll her over in bed and move her legs because she doesn't have the energy or the strength to do it herself. I went from calling my mom a few months ago to get her opinion before doing something to just praying that she is awake so that I can see her at all. Working an hour away, by the time I get home most days she is already in bed asleep. I talked to her yesterday afternoon and asked her if she would be up late and her response was "I'm going to wait until 5pm". So I waited until this morning to go.
Just please PRAY!!!!!!!!!! I am begging you to pray and please forward to prayers lists. We all need them right now.