Friday, August 12, 2011


I still think that I am doing much better than I ever thought I would if faced with something of this magnitude, but I still continue to have my moments of absolutely losing my mind. I still can't believe this is happening to me and my family. I read medical records all day long so I have seen this and I have friends who have lost either their own or parents to cancer, but I just never thought it would be me.

Those of you friends in real life, know that my parents have lived with my grandmother (Ma) since I was two. So in essence, I always had two moms. Until I got married, I spent every day with Ma. And then she was diagnosed w/ Melanoma last year. In the beginning, it was horrible. We all thought she was going to die pretty soon, but then she stabilized and has been doing much better.

It never entered her mind that she would ever outlive her daughter. It never entered my mind that I might bury my mom in my 30s. I can't fathom that my daughter might not have many memories of my mom. I named Cecelia after my mom and my MIL. It is unfathomable to me that she might not have any of her own memories.

Ha - I just re-read the above paragraph and saw that I basically just repeated myself. That has been me for the past few weeks. I feel like I have the tumor instead of her. I'm sure it is normal. Please bear with me over the next few months. I have a feeling that I will be rambling a lot.

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